FIRE IN THE HOLE!!

Partners in Crime

2008-05-08T14:15:00.011+05:30

If i have to give a reel meataphor to my time from august 2007 to may 1 2008, then it has to be Tim Robbins' mile long crawl through shit and puke to freedom in Shawshank Redemption.

There have been people who wanted me to do this more than i myself wanted. People who prayed for me, who have helped me and who have been an inspiration. People on whose face i wanted to put a smile. Here goes a big shoutout for all of them --

Lord Tirumaleshwar, Lord Ganesh, Lord Hanuman - Three dudes who have shown me what keeping promises is all about.

Lord Abhishek Nadamani - Karnataka CET 2001 Rank #1,Alumunus of IIT chennai and Cornell University. I owe my cornell admit to him.

Lord Abhishek Shetty - IIM Calcutta. A highly indigenous breed from the RVCE stud farms. I have literally followed him. I owe all my interview converts to him. Destiny had its way when we went past all of them but the one which we both desperately wanted to. Hail the GOD!.

Vivekananda Hegde - If not for him i would not have applied anywhere and i would not be writing this blog. Dude, a BIG thanks for lugging me along.

Santosh Hiredesai - IIM Kozhikode.Alumunus of NITK,Suratkal. Another person whose story has been worth a mention. Thanks for all the help mamoooo!.

Nikhil Joshi and Minnu Tom - I owe all the other MS admits to these guys. My never ending foolish questions and their patitence was what made those admits. I bow to them!.

Kumar G S - Convey my regards to your bike!.

Sandeep Das - IIM Bangalore. Another highly indigenous breed from RVCE stud farms. He can talk like how pied piper blows the flute!.

Sukrut Kharia - IIM Bangalore. For giving the most brilliant suggestion i have ever received to brush up my entire engineering in a jiffy. Well, i read the GATE book.

Sandeep Shetty - NITIE Mumbai. Convey my regards to your mess manager. Thanks for all the help byaversi!.

Abhinav Kishore - SPJIMR, Mumbai. If you are on PG, you would surely know him. Thanks for all the help man!.

Ashramites [ Linkin, Ash, TC, Bhatta] - Guys who have improved my stamina. It takes 10 times the effort to breathe in the house thanks to them. More on their adventures and bravura performances will soon come. Thanks for putting up with my tantrums guys.

Non Resident Ashramites [ Dax, Anup, Suttu, Stree] - Guys whose visits have only lightened the mood at Ashrama.

My Left sub tree [ PP, Senti and Gullu(Cat partners), Paape, Yogi, Sujit, Shaitan] - Thanks for all the nicknames.

Team men0X - [ Umanka, Sapi, PP, Ash ] - Lets go play. Please!.

My right sub tree [Harki, Sid, Manja, Ankit G] - The 7 star house. Thanks for hosting me guys. And for all the food you gave me. Thanks for the tie , harki!.

Dr Swami Sir, Dr Shobha Madam, Mrs Kavitha Madam - Thanks for all the blessings :) .

Naveen - Georgia Tech.Its my luck to be a part of that prophetic photograph. U, Me and Jitu. Remember?. Thanks for all the help dude.

Sanjay, Saddique, Manik, Krishna, Vinay - My colleagues who have been my only cushion. I owe it to you people.

Also like to thank Neeladri Sekhar Das[IIFT Delhi], Sachin Verma[MDI],Ameya Lokhare and Piyush Narang[US bound], Prashant Patil, Puneeth Rao, Guru, Sairam, Varun, Varghese and all others[Colleagues] part of the greatest conspiracy since United states' faked moon landing.

Lights.Camera.Action. -take 5

2008-05-06T12:04:00.004+05:30

"For your own good, i hope we dont cross each other again. Because i have nothing to lose and you.... everything" said Vince.

Her gaze had a way about it. surprise, sadness and flabbergasted.

" This chapter of my life ends right here. Only a few characters from here move to the next one. And i am afraid you are not one of them " .

He then looked up, clenched his jaws . With his right palm on the back of his neck he turned and started walking.

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This series of "Lights.Camera.Action" ends with this post.

Tashan with Dhoni

2008-04-28T12:04:00.007+05:30

First let me get over with the bad part.

Tashan happens when Aditya chopra throws loads of money at a stunt scene director and says "Go... do a Movie!".

Meaningless stunt sequences. Matrix meets Rajnikant meets kungfu-hustle.

Some mash-up of hindi and english which the director thinks is cool and funny. Mindblowing. Literally.

A Kareena who has not been given anything to eat for a month.

The word "Tashan" in almost every dialogue. If they had read this blog they would have found much better dialogues at no cost. Ok, sorry for boasting.

Words like "bitch" "chinal" "maa behen" being used uncensored defintely speak volumes on the liberalisation of CBFC.

I think Bollywood and Sandalwood(Kannada filmdom) have exchanged their lyricists. Because nowadays much better stuff is happening in my state. "White white face dekhe...Dilwa Beating Fast Sasura Chance Mare Re Hoooo".

Now lets move on to the better part.

The last of the trailers was being shown when suddenly what seemed liked a powercut happened.

In walks in a man in blue jeans, black t shirt , red hat following a person who appeared like theatre owner.

I also happened to notice that the first row( from top) of the balcony was completely empty. We were in the second row.Mr M S Dhoni took the seat behind mine. Nobody had noticed him. I turned back and said "Hey Dhoni!". He said "Hi!". The first part of the torture that i recounted above started.

Came the interval.

VC:"Your Sonata ad rocks!"
Dhoni(smiles):Oh!.. you have seen that already?"

It actually is not being aired on TV yet. Neither its there on youtube.

VC:"Ya.. and awesome dance!"
Dhoni:"Haha!... Thanks!"

And then out of nowhere there is a big crowd of girls and ladies. Everybody wants their pictures clicked. He gave away loads of autographs also.

Some girl shouts "dhoni!.. please look at the camera.. please!". And he happily obliged.

The theatre owner comes and pleads everyone to calm down and let him inflict upon us more torture.

Dhoni was whisked away 10 minutes before the movie ended.

God save Bangalore Royal Challengers today!.

Dreams Unlimited

2008-04-23T15:32:00.005+05:30

Want to be involved in a full blown public run chase. Does not matter if i am being chased or i am chasing. More the obstacles, the better. Bengaluru's Commercial street or Mumbai's Colaba Causway would be just perfect!

Want to be captured as a hostage by some group. And then launch the most dardevil escape ever. Yes, i want someone to write a book on it too.

Want to master the british accent and land a role in Guy Ritchie's next. Ofcourse Jason Statham and Brad Pitt should star alongside me. Movie will have the most kick-ass dialogues ever. Delivered in the most kick-ass style as well.

Last 10 seconds to go. My team is trailing by two points. I am outside the 3-point line. Three opponents are blocking my entry into the ring. I am trying my best and still cant force in. I say "fuck them" and then launch the ball into a perfect arc to make a swiiiiissshhh through the basket. Hooter blows. Game over.

2nd June 2014. Palace Grounds, Bangalore. Chris martin says "Thank You!" for a rapturous applause by the audience for Coldplay's brilliant rendition of acoustic version of 'Clocks'. Its almost silent now. He takes out a paper from his pocket. Reads aloud "We had this fan from bangalore Vishwaaa... Chet.... ok... Vishwachetan who has written a song for us. And its our pleasure to perform it here".

Right now

2008-04-20T23:56:00.000+05:30

right now, some of my actions dont make sense
right now, i am not even worth a pence

right now, my movement seems suspect
right now, for anyone i dont mean disrespect

right now, my head has a very thin cover
right now, the city needs a shower

right now, a nuclear particle is more stable than me
right now, arbitrary and madness defines me

right now, all i hear - run vc run!
right now, above is intended, pun.

The Last lap

2008-04-15T19:11:00.001+05:30

i face the mirror
stares back at me, my own fear
life has taken a verb - complicate
ah its unbearable, the wait.

pangs of anticipation
all i think on a stroll
only adds to the frustration
as things are beyond my control

the kink of the sand clock
has made it difficult for the tiny
the ever trusty gravitational pull
has also given up hope

one amongst the tired runners
a whirlwind of a journey
we look heavenward for almighty
ask for respite to thee

Good, Bald and Ugly

2008-04-08T15:16:00.003+05:30

Yours truly's terrace has been completely cleaned. Smoooooth.

Inspirations:

Michael Scofield
Lincoln Burrows
Chris Daughtry
Piyush Parashar

Does anyone here know how to advance the clock by two months?

The name is ......

2008-04-03T12:10:00.005+05:30

Very recently two of my colleagues became happy fathers. The first question i asked them when they offered me sweets "Whats the name?".

They had given 4-lettered and 5-lettered names. I am so happy for those kids. I have always advised all the budding parents to not to cross 6 letters when they choose names. well why?. There are lots of advantages.

1. When filling application forms he will not have to shout "Why me!?" when he runs out of boxes to fill.

2. Well i hope you work hard and do something to ensure that your kid does not have to get into "An exam every sunday" mode. But since numbers are not on our side lets say he will give these. Do you want him to just finish filling his name when the rest of the class have filled the entire details?. Darkening those boxes can give your kid RSI even before he has landed a job!.

3. Short names complement well with "Hi!" when you want to introduce yourself. The trouble starts with long names. Unfortunately the attention span of people is so less that by the time you finish " Hi, **************************" , they will have moved on.

4. Its the people with long names who get the nicknames all the time and god forbid if you have friends from USB( United states of bihar and jharkhand) you will get some real nasty ones. Yours truly is a standing testament.

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If its year 2057 and if you are reading this and if you have a short name when your ancestors have long names, then your father has read this blog and you thank me for that!.

The thought process

2008-03-26T12:18:00.001+05:30

My roomies think i am getting reclusive.
My old school friends think i am trying to distance myself from them.
My neighbour thinks me amd my roomies work for a call centre. oh wait!. The BPO one i meant.
My cab driver thinks i am lying when i say i am from karnataka.
My manager thinks i need to pull up my socks. Metaphorically that is.
My colleagues think i am confused, like real confused.
My aunt and sisters think i need anger management classes.
My brother thinks it is expected of me to recharge his cellfone.
My blog readers think i need to find better subjects to write.

And i am listening to Aqualung - Strange and Beautiful!

The Countryside

2008-03-06T12:01:00.001+05:30

i walk on the country road
miles and i dont see any signboard
sugarcane fields all around me
yes i can smell home

where animals and people share the same roof
humanity would not have had a better proof
where television is science fiction
and cellular fones figment of imagination

where a hen replaces a digital alarm
at a time, when sun rays do no harm
where sweet smell of mother earth
will make you carefree and blithe

cut off from the world, its an island
its own civilization in the hinterland
its nowhere, its lost and its amiss
for once i agree ignorance is bliss

Classic Calvin!

2008-03-05T15:33:00.001+05:30

A voice crackles in Calvin's radio : "Enemy fighters at two o'clock!"
Calvin : "Roger. What should i do until then?"

The Warrior

2008-02-29T13:09:00.004+05:30

a warrior stands in the desert sand
a sword to work like a magic wand
to finish a fight once and for all
heads in his way will just fall

distractions are like dust in the wind
one cant overpower him even from behind
a fiery eyed moniker on rampage
stage set for a bloody carnage

for he trusts no one, seeks no ones help
his strength enough to make anyone pulp
bound by his principles, he is a paper boat
on a river called destiny, he is afloat

whats left behind is for the world to watch
and a bar for few brave ones to match
trails of a legend, of a prophecy that came true
yes he walked beneath the sky, blue

Lights.Camera.Action. -take 4

2008-02-26T22:01:00.004+05:30

Ricky parked the car by the side. Started walking along the narrow lane. His thumb pacing to and fro along the belt of the guitar that hung on his back. Wet sifts of grass left marks on his blue jeans as he made his way.

He looked at the sun and adjusted his aviators. The old lady at the gate smiled as he handed her a rose. He followed the stoneway to the place which had made him what he is today. It was his favorite stage and the audience was special.

The gate cranked as an young lady handled the gate. She rubbed her eyes in wonder. "Is that Ricky.. from the band 'Petals on the grave'? " she questioned the old lady pointing her finger at Ricky.

The lady didnt have to answer. The angels were already dancing. The silence was still intact but there was a certain pleasantness in the air. Sounds that are not heard but felt.

"He always sings his compositions first for his girlfriend" said the old lady.

"But why here of all places" said the young lady puzzled.

"She died 10 years back" said the old lady and went away.

Valentine

2008-02-14T14:24:00.005+05:30

if she still heard
without you speaking a word
if you cried out
when she was hurt

nothing matters, heat or cold
when your hands hold
Walking under the blinding sun
is unadulterated fun

there is nothing like pain
because together you live and slain
footprints in the sand
are also conjoined

even if the world came in the way
your attention will not sway
nothing else intresting to bother
you are made for each other.

We didnt start the fire

2008-02-13T22:42:00.002+05:30

Me and my roomies have had a way with the electricity. For those of you who are clueless check our previous sparks with the live wire here and here.

This time around some diode and another triode formed an electron cloud creating a region of high charge disparity over the two ends leading to generation of an electromotive force huge enough to cause a power outage. But that was not huge enough in that only half of the house went dark. But it was creative enough that it put the bathrooms under darkness.

A huge aromatic candle that was given to my roomie by his company on their family day came to our rescue. It took its place on the komode - Fire on the hole!.

Yesterday the last to take bath forgot to put it off. The same guy whose company gave that candle decides to return home by 4 30 ( Very strange considering the "wah re wah's" he has been getting from his manager's manager's.... manager's manager for all the asses he is kicking around). Our man opens the door to be greeted by smoke everywhere. We dont have any kitchen appliances( One reason why indiranagar was not burnt that day). He traces the source to the bathroom to find the komode burning in all glory. An hour late and our geyser would have gone off ( Second reason why indiranagar was not burnt that day).

So that updates the list : The doorbell, the front door lock, the komode and other things that i cant write.

I will not exagerrate but i think Quentin tarantino should hire us all if Eli roth decides to make the 3rd installment of Hostel movie for we will give him the sets he wants at a 1000th of the cost.

And also to tell all the house owners not to give house to a bunch of software engineers especially if they are skinny guys but think they have great bodies.

The crossroads

2008-02-06T18:24:00.000+05:30

Too many balls to juggle
and an additional tickle
an ant up my sleeve
and many other things to peeve

Forces are tearing me apart
my skin is going tawt
the ever increasing pain
i am going insane

Faces laughing at me
words biting as a flame
nowhere else to look
no answers in any book

My cosmic pan has a tilt
on the wrong side of it
my palm lines show no luck
all i have become is a schmuck

Fasten your seatbelts!

2008-01-31T16:46:00.000+05:30

Some things are always special. The first time you walked. The first time you rode a cycle. And then the first time you fly!.

I had booked an e-ticket . My roomies had given me some basic instructions. I went to the airport. Before i hit the ticket counter i asked help from about five people and my first sentence with each of them when i started talking was
"I am flying for the first time."

I finally hit the spiceJet ticket counter. I gave her my printout and pan card.

Lady-at-the-counter:"So you are Vishwachetan?"
Me :"Ya!"
Lady-at-the-counter:"Is Vishwachetan your name?(she actually meant to ask "Is that a fuckin name?")"
Me :"Ya"
Lady-at-the-counter raises her brows and looks at the screen.

Lady-at-the-counter:"I will give you an isle seat Vishwachetan. OK?"

Me :"I am travelling in a flight for the first time. I donno the seat
you are talking about. Any seat will do."

Lady-at-the-counter:(smiles)"OK.. i will give you a window seat!"

I felt like a kid who had just been given a big Ice-Cream when all he was expecting was a toffee!.

Once inside the flight i was frantically looking everywhere. Then i stopped doing lest they bump me off the flight thinking i am some bomber.

For all the first time fliers , a piece of advise to maximise the fun : Just when the plane comes on the tarmac, put on the "Snow Patrol- Chasing Cars" song . The best part of the song will come when the plane just takes off and then you will thank me!

Also bumped into Rajpal Yadav. I smiled. He smiled. He was in a hurry.

Also that finally my eyes got a lot of exercise at the airports. Half the credit must go to Mr Mallya. I dont need my spectacles now!.

The "material"

2008-01-21T08:06:00.000+05:30

To

be able to walk through fire like a stroll in the park

be able to listen to all the shit people say in silence

stand for truth and nothing but the truth

be able to look through people beyond the clarity of conviction

be able to stare in the eyes of defeat and smile

lose to someone who fought his toughest battle with you

be talked about long after you are gone

are the stuff HEROES are made of.

The Pain

2008-01-18T12:59:00.000+05:30

a pain i cant describe
no medicine any can prescribe
because there aint any
feeling not understood by many

unable to sleep, unable to read
no advice to heed
a face i dont want to see
keeps smiling at me

my eyes are shot with blood
body does not want any food
hands tremble with fear
yes, of failure

Time to shed the skin
painful as the fire in kiln
the grind is neccasary evil
happens even if you not will

a side of me will the world see
in the skin left behind
a side of me that i want the world to see
is what is left in me.

for this is it and no more
time to settle the score
and the heat unable to bear
i need your prayer

Tweet!.. tweet!

2008-01-14T07:53:00.000+05:30

The season has come to an end. A bitter sweet experience. A sigh of relief. Pangs of anticipation.

The first one ever to be in the afternoon. The least active part of my day.I enter the room. Search for my seat and go sit and look sidewards. A college friend of mine ( a hotshot photographer in the making.Check) is sitting.(Hi)s are exchanged.

A quick run up through break-ups, mash-ups and patch-ups, wannabe NRIs, and all the usual gossip. When one starts gossiping, the space-time continuum defies all equations and before i realised it was 15 minutes past the scheduled start time and i dont see any invigilator.

I ask to another guy sitting next to me if he also has come to give the exam or is it some classroom we ae sitting in!.

Finally one guy walks in. Starts handing over the papers. 20 columns of 10 guys each. Me in the 6th. He starts and then after he is done with the first column he says "Please dont open the booklet". Five seconds later "Ok Open!".

The look on the faces of guys in the 15-20th columns.

The guy sitting next to me pats my hand "Hey what do i fill here"

"They had sent a letter along with the admit card where they had the instructions to fill it"

"Oh is it?"

"Wait i have it". And i handed it over to him.

Trust me it was free for all.

Halfway through the exam one guy comes and puts a stamp ink pad in front of me. "Your left thumb". I am clueless. "Fast! fast!". I give him my thumb impression.

(After the exam me and my friend discussed about this. But why on earth?. To prevent impersonation. Like they will have my records to match. But they can atleast check the guys who get selected later right?. Hmm.. he had a point)

When 10 minutes are left a guy walks in and with a very loud and clear voice

"If you have mobile phones, pagers and any other gadgets, please hand them over. Keeping them switched off is not sufficient. You will still be disqualified"

The bell goes off on time and the guys in my room lost time. It really would not have made any difference to my chances.

Ben, Shirley and Will

2008-01-12T23:20:00.000+05:30

I was walking on MG Road with my friends and i was wearing my LP shirt. Three firangs standing on the sidewalk.

Ben :"Hey.. you like Linkin Park?"
VC :"Yeah."
Ben :"They have this song ... pam pam pam" ( he makes the 'in the end' tune with the rap hand movements)
VC :"Thats 'in the end' "

This guy is from USA and he does not know the song which has made LP what they are today. *sigh*. I think i should call up chester and mike and tell them its time they came up with better stuff.

Ben :"Ya! ya.. in the end.. right!"
VC :"Hi!.. i am chetan"
Ben :"Hi!.. i am Ben. This is my wife Shirley and thats my friend Will"
Ben :"Will is starting a business here and he has some questions for you"
VC :"All right"

Will:"So chetan.. why do you think i should start my business here in India and not in USA?"
VC :"What business is this?"
Will:"Its an online MBA learning initiative from some of the best universities in US"
VC :"Ammm... India is a big market when it comes to education. In US you dont need formal education to earn a living but we do. And also people in your country are not so interested in studies"
Will:"Yes i agree that we are not so interested in studies"

Will:"But let me tell you that i am not here to make money. My dad is very rich. He can get me a job right now which will pay me $90k an year"
VC :"ah huh"
Will:"So why should i do this if not for money?"

VC :"How many people know you in this world?"
Will:"Not many.."
VC:"I know chester and mike of LP not because they wanted to make money but because they had something different to offer to this world. (Since they didnt know LP much i thought of taking a different band)Do you know James Hetfield of Metallica?"
All :"OH yaaaa!"
VC :"So i know him because he made a difference in this world with his music.Do you know Bono of U2?"
All :"Hmmmm"
VC :"Many people know Bono not as the lead singer of U2 but as someone who has made a difference with his 'live aid' and other poverty eliminating initiatives. So 10 years down the line do you want people to know you as someone who made a difference to this world?"

P.S : I swear to God i was not high!
Shirley :" Nice!.. Nice!"
Ben :"Even Will has some similar intentions"

Will:"Can i tell you guys a story?"
I look at my watch.
Will:"I will just take 2 minutes"
VC: "Go ahead"
Will :"When i was a small kid..... yada wada bim bam .. phish .. bhoosh... 10 minutes and still going...... (big discourse on God)..."

I dont know if his business initiative was genuine or not but he will surely fail if he starts one. Because he said he wanted to start a business, he talked like a guy sent by the Vatican Roman Catholic society to convert people to christianity and he appeared like he was about to ask some help from us!.

I quickly pulled my Razr out from my pocket and flipped it open.

"Achha.. achha... oh ok... coming man... i am near this ... some place man.. 5 minutes man... sure sure... just 5 minutes man... oh we have to come now only?... ok ok.. right away"

VC(To my friends):"Guys.. those guys are waiting for us and we need to go fast"
These dumb fuckers are clueless and before they could open their mouth i turn towards my 3 new friends
VC:"Hey so when is this thing starting?"
Will:"We plan to start in june. I will go now and come back with my partners in june"
VC:"Oh great!.. I wish you all the success in your noble endeavour.Bye!"

VC(To my friends):"Lets go!"

After some distance.

Friend:"So who called you?"

*sigh*. I know. *sigh*.

kaaaw! kaaaaw!

2008-01-06T23:11:00.000+05:30

The third of the trilogy is here after the first and the sequel.

Supposedly the younger(and more menacer) brother of meaow!.

My preparation :
I was taking bath the other day and the bathroom singer in me was singing "XL ki kudiyan very very smart ... hai mere tauba tauba!".

I enter the venue and bump into my long lost college friends. They are as frustrated with their jobs as i am. And we also are looking for solutions in the same direction. Just that they have a better chance.

Friend: "Oi!.. why are you in nightwear?"
VC: "Ammmm......"
Friend: "OK OK!"
VC: "OK"

Time to enter the room. I go and sit.
The guy in the seat behind "Can you please remove your watch and keep it in center so all of us(the other guy in his seat also didnt have) can use"

"Yeah why not. Next time around i will bring a fuckin wall clock with fuckin custom sounds built in to fuckin remind you at the end of every fuckin section that its time to move to the next fuckin section.. huh?". Well i did not say that. I removed my watch and kept it. For everyone to see that is.

At the end of the paper we had to write an essay.

"The consequences of gender imbalance - Third World War"

Sheer brilliance i must say. I actually think the guy wanted to give two topics but the guy who printed it replaced the "OR" with "-". And the results of the holocaust are to be out by the end of this month.

Minutes to Midnight

2008-01-01T00:08:00.000+05:30

Yet another fall. Face down.
Dust blurs the vision.
Sweet smell of mother earth.
Shirt is soiled.
Yet another souvenir.
The same old question - why me?
Pain more mental than physical.

Stand up my boy. Dust it off your grey.
Run before this world starts laughing.

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>>>>>>>HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008!<<<<<<<<<<<<
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I now pronounce you groom and bride!

2007-12-24T23:43:00.000+05:30

Me, My aunt, and My cousin sis(bride to be) on one side of table.
Groom, His mum, his uncle, Groom's bro, his wife on the opposite side.

Groom's bro's wife starts grilling my cousin ( potential sisters-in-law).I am on the other end of the table all bored.

I suddenly notice groom(bhai from now on) is wearing pink shirt and i look at the ceiling and give a 1000 watt smile. Bhai(B), bade bhai(BB) and uncle smile back. They felt a lil weird.

BB waves his hand at the waiter and he gets him the menu.
All apparently decide on Tea ( and i was not payin attention and i thought we could order whatever we wanted :( )

BB: "So what you want?"
VC: "Anything is fine"
BB: "Milkshake?"
VC: "OK"
BB: "which one?"
VC: "Apple"

BB calls the waiter " 7 Teas and 1 Apple Milkshake for him( points the menu at me )"

My aunt gives me a condescending stare.

Everybody is cracking jokes and all. Laughing and all. I also laughed. Ok i tried. Hard.

I am blissfully sipping the milkshake and the damn thing gets over even before the others have taken their second sip making that weird sound which comes when the juice is over and it is air you are sipping.

It did break the conversation for a split second. My aunt was already regretting for having me over there.

BB noticed that i was keeping quiet and so

BB:"So what are you studying?"
VC:"I am working. I finished my engg last year"
BB:"where you working?"
VC:"Cisco Systems"
BB(brows raised):"Come again"
VC:"Cisco Systems"
BB smiles and murmurs something in the groom's ear who in turn repeats the procedure with his uncle.
BB:"I work for Juniper"
VC:"Ha Ha HA!.. ooo HA! ha!"
Trivia : Cisco and Juniper are like India and Pakistan.Ammmm....respectively.
He didnt like my style of laughing. I became serious again.
BB:"So which group?"
VC:"Security. Firewalls"
5 seconds
VC:"you?"
BB:"Core routing" and then he lets loose a dose of technology acronyms after each one of which i said one amongst these { oh ya ya, oh ok, ah ha, ya thats cool technology, oh ya i know that }
BB:"Five years now!"
VC:"Hmmm"
BB:"Which college?"
VC:"RVCE"
BB:"Campus?"
VC:"Yes"
BB raises his brows. I feel happy.

By now the ladies had finished the talking. The "meeting" was over and the bride and groom didnt even talk to each other.We were all walking back and

VC:"But why didnt the two talk to each other?"
Aunt:" We talked na. Enough"
VC:"eh?"

Some things are better left unanswered.I will save the result of this for another post.

Ahoy!. Captain VC is here.

2007-12-23T22:23:00.000+05:30

Dear comrades,

Over the last few days a lot of hue and cry has been made over some actions of mine and that i should immediately give this post to the next in line. Metaphorically speaking it is 'smoke on the water' or 'dust in the wind' depending on whichever is your favorite song. I assure you fellas i wont abandon this ship until every last one of you have found the cure for your itch. We shall endure the rough seas of the new year like we have been doing in the hope that our ship will reach the World's end where everything turns upside down. My good wishes are with all of you who are making efforts in this direction and my happiness to those who have found it and those who think they have found it. May we all find strength in the sails of this great ship.

Forever and always,
VC

Lights.Camera.Action. -take 3

2007-12-17T16:29:00.000+05:30

"Guys.... if i dont return , tell my Mom and Pa that i loved them very very much..... please." said Ronnie .He turned back and closed his eyes. 5 seconds. Opened his eyes and took a long breath. Gave a wry smile and made an acrobatic leap into the air. The rope attached to his legs followed him.

He closed his eyes again. His heart raced hard. A collage of images flash by his eyes.

The moment he had turned back on his cycle only to know that his dad was far behind and not holding his cycle. The moment his mom had hugged him when he had failed in his exams and had come back home dejected. Those happy smiles when he had told them that he had graduated. And how his mumma always made him eat and eat more. And how they always stood by him even when he was on the wrong side.

Eyes became moist. Reddish shade on the cornea.
The crane pulled him up and he was back amidst his friends.

"Hey dude!.. what happened man. Why you crying?."

"Nothing man. The wind is too fast out there" ronnie almost choked saying this.

"Dude.. tell me what the fuck happened?".

"Just go give a hug to your mum and dad today" said Ronnie smiling.

"What!!??... You fuckin ok man?"

"I have become OK now"... Ronnie.

Bhagwadgita ke oopar haath rakh ke

2007-12-09T13:58:00.000+05:30

With just 20 days to go, its resolution time.

Last time i made they were all open ended, but this time around i am going to make them

S- simple
M- meaningful
A- achievable
R- realistic
T- time bound( 31/12/08 duh ). Courtesy: HR site.

so, with a nazi salute, i hereby make these resolutions.

1. No Boasting.
What does that mean?. All colleges other than RVCE also rock.And so do the students from these colleges.
No recounting of any heroic deeds. But how?. No doing heroic deeds in the first place.

2. Talk less. Talk slow. Talk meaningful.
1 word/sec. <30 words/min. Few sentences a day. So answers to a lot of questions will be one or a subset of { yo, no, ok, oh ok, ah ha}.

3. Decrease the usage of f-word.
Not more than once in a sentence.Not more than 10 sentences(ok..100) with f-word in a day.

4. Humility personified.
huh?. Meaning i will accept all brickbats, scoldings, insults .No retaliation. Some of you may be thinking "whats new in that?". Ammm... i will smile from now on while you do that. ok?.

5. Stop being an asshole.
No belittling anyone's food choices, music, orientation, choice of
girlfriends/boyfriends, choice of tv shows,sense of fashion, genealogy. Everyone to their own.

I can almost feel the gush of nirvana through my capillaries. Peace.

Locky, smoky and stocky

2007-12-05T00:13:00.000+05:30

3 idiots.
one on the laptop. second sleeping partially. third one goes " I am planning to marry my first love man!"

The one on the laptop looks askance.

third one "see man [first-ones-nick-name] ... you dont understand all this... you will know when someone really likes you and then is ready to go against the entire world for you... what do you know about love!!?.... Has anyone really liked you??"

first one "i think i will do 2 Phds , one each in neuromolecular generic algorithms and Usage of firewalls in lie detection in the time i understand what you are telling"

third one "there is a lot of difference when one says 'I like you' and when one says 'I love you' "

first one "bull-fuckin-shit!"

third one "'I like you' is a level below 'I Love you'"

first one "Oh!... there are levels also is it?"

third one "When you say 'I like you' its like you are hitting on her and she is ignorant about it"

first one "Whats the fukin purpose?"

third one "see i can say to you 'I Like you' "

first one "I am not gay!"

third one "She still likes me man ... and she will leave the world for me!"

first one "Un-fuckin-believable!"

second one "shut the fuck up!!"

Hate.Pain.Remorse

2007-12-04T22:32:00.000+05:30

"Sometimes I feel like I trusted you too well
Sometimes I just feel like screaming at myself
Sometimes I’m in disbelief I didn’t know"

....Dont stay by Linkin Park

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I actually wish something like Lacuna Inc(Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind) existed.

Scary!

2007-12-04T08:42:00.000+05:30

3/12/04: I order 2 shirts on amazon.

4/12/04: My orkut account


Welcome, Vishwachetan

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Profile views: Since Feb '06: 5,327, Last week: 38, Yesterday: 7

Today's fortune: You are going to have some new clothes!

I mean is this a freakin coincidence or some intelligent work by Google?

there is a Hero inside everyone of us

2007-11-29T13:04:00.001+05:30

I hope someday

i make all my detractors eat their words.

i smile at the flashes of a thousand shutterbugs.

i talk and the whole mankind listens in rapt attention.

i make all women who spurned me realise what a costly mistake it was.

my farthest relatives will say "Hey.. you know what .. that guy is my cousin's uncle's.... blah.. more blah.. son!!".

i become a HERO!

Bow! bow!

2007-11-25T21:17:00.000+05:30

Had to leave the house by 7 AM. So was on the potti at 6 AM. I hear a painful wail. Trust me i have never heard such a loud and painful wail in my life ever. I wonder if i am the only guy hearing it. It stopped.

I get dressed and open the door. A dead cat right at the doormat. *phew*. What a day!.

9.30 . I am inside the examination centre. The chick in front of me is showing her thong in all glory and my concentration is put under test even before the darn exam has begun!

9.35 . I look around. I love you *****. Love is blind but lovers are not. Love is that. Love is this. Teenage graffiti.

9.40 . I happen to notice my bench. Take any point on the bench. Within a radius of 1 cm you will find 10 holes!.

9.45 . A lady enters. "Children... If you have any chits, papers .. throw them out now only. I am giving you chance now only. Later the squad will come and check. Your future is in your hand(holy shit!!)... I am very strict in these matters... Even if they dont catch , i will catch you(.|.) "

10. The Q-papers are distributed and i am assume murphy is laughing. Because its in a totally different format from what it was supposed to be. They apparently took a leaf out of meaow's book!.

Some morons start asking clarifications about the paper to the lady.*sigh*.

For the benefit of future aspirants i want to analyse some questions.....

Which of the following teams secured the runner-up position in India's National Football League 2006-07?

a. East bengal Club
b. JCT, Phagwara
c. Mahindra United
d. Dempo SC

OK, at any time i have a fair idea about position, points, Goals-for, Goals-against and Goal-difference, home and away separate, of the top ten teams in English Premier League, Spanish and the Italian Leagues. Yes, I didnt answer this question.I didnt know about our own fukin league!!

Which one of the following is not correct about Palagummi Sainath?
a. Development journalist(what the fuk is that!!).
b. Expert on famine and hunger.
c. Was a student of Delhi University( I know only one university, VTU)
d. Grand son of former president V. V. Giri ( Do i look like a fukin genealogist?)

Match the following


       Country                      President
       i.Ghana                    a) Umaru Yar'Adua
      ii.Tanzania                 b) Yoweri Museveni
     iii.Nigeria                  c) John Agyekum Kufor
      iv.Uganda                   d) Jakaya Mrisho Kikwete

First thing, how the fuk do you spell those names?
Second thing, my state does not have a friggin chief minister and we are worried about presidents of other nation states. What fukin shit.

The best question in the paper, in fact the best question i have ever come across in my life ( because for once i felt all that time spent watching movies came to some use) ...

Match the correct combination in the following:


      Actresses                  Featured in a James Bond Movie
    i.Izabella Scorupco         a. The World is not enough
   ii.Teri Hatcher              b. Die Another Day
  iii.Sophie Marceau            c. Golden Eye
   iv.Rosamund Pike             d. Tomorrow Never Dies.

The only problem was that this question brought all sorts of thoughts ( and not to speak of the still visible thong in front!)...

12. "Children..... stooppppp!!!".

Lights.Camera.Action. -take 2

2007-11-24T20:07:00.000+05:30

He held her palms in his hands. Two drops of tear fell on his hand. She was the one who was brave when it should have been him.

24 hours. Dr Apte had told him.

Just a day back, they had been walking on the white sands. Waves kissing her beautiful feet and the receding waters leaving an ephemeral mark in the sands. They had thrown sand at each other. Ran around happily.

It was late in the evening when she lost her conscious and fell in his arms. A shellshocked Matt had taken her to the hospital only to be told the most shocking thing he had ever heard.

He had only two words to ask to everyone . Why me.

Sometimes life just gets too fucked up to even fathom what the hell is going.

He was sleeping on the chair when she woke up. He woke up. Got her tea. Smiled and took her for a walk.

He didnt want to tell her. He was talking about the beach when sarah interupted him saying "Promise me you wont to do anything stupid".

He tried to appear calm and asked " What!!??".

"Promise me Matty.... promise me that you will live on and you will live on to tell about our love".

He had stood there like a guy struck by thunderbolt.

More tears fell on his hand. She hugged him. The most painful hug love has ever seen.

"If my life ever becomes a book, you will be a chapter in it"... said Matty.

She nodded happily. A tear dropped from the side of her eye.

Meaow!

2007-11-19T16:19:00.000+05:30

Yet another time. different place. What did i find?

Dudes.

Guys who think they are dudes.

Chicks. Some hot ones.

Guys who were dressed like eskimos( Thanks to bangalore's cold weather).

Gals frantically flipping formulae compendiums. Some guys too.

Parents.

Institutes handing out pamphlets.

Software engineers. How did i figure out?. These guys didnt have a fukin clue as to why they were giving this exam.

Atleast one of the above will continue to remain a software engineer. Or a Farmer.

Guys who were more focussed than a lens of 100 dioptres.

Guys with a box full of sharpened pencils.

Guys who were giving this exam because his friend is giving(Peer pressure).

Guys who were giving this exam because his friend gave it last time(Peer pressure 2.0).

Guys who turned up because their brother had filled the form.

Guys who came because its "cool yo" to give this exam.

OSO close!

2007-11-11T18:47:00.000+05:30

The wind was blowing furiously. I pulled the ticket out yet another time from my pocket.Rubbed my eyes made watery by the wind."Departure: 10.00 PM" was as clear as ...err.. bad thoughts.. forget.

"BOSS.. the bus will leave.. faster.. faster"..

The auto guy was getting annoyed with my pesky behaviour and went "This is the max my auto can go!"

I pulled the sleeve aside and turned my wrist, james bond style. 10:05. *sigh*.

All because of deepika padukone. If only i had not gone to the 6 30 show. But how can i afford to miss dear deepika.

The auto guy finally made it. 10:10.

I see one bus which is empty ( where there used to be 5-6 usually). And hordes of people waiting outside.

I jump out of the auto. Pull the bags out. Pull my wallet out. Thump some currency in the hands of the auto guy ( i swear i didnt see what i gave). Make a bolt to the ticket counter. Thump the ticket in the hands of the guy in the counter.

"Has this bus left!?"....

The guy ( with a look of a person who has just found out that he has to wait another 10 loooong minutes before his turn comes to take a go at the potti) said "Saar.. i am sorry but due to circumstances beyond our control this bus has been delayed by 15 minutes... really reaallly sorry!"

i stretched my hands out and shouted
"YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS......Fuckkkkiinnn ... YESSSS!" to the amazement of the guy in the counter and bewilderment of other people who didnt know whether they were annoyed because the bus was late or beacuse i disturbed them while they were busy catching another episode of ekta's lachrymose crap on the TV in that room.

I could picture Deepika smiling at me. Just another of those rare days when everything goes your way!.

"Picture abhi bhaaki tha!!"

Diwali and the Maruti 800.

2007-11-11T18:00:00.000+05:30

North Karnataka is still a very closed world for women. It would not be an exaggeration if i said they are treated like second-class citizens. You may spot a few girls in cities driving scooties, peps etc but finding kryptonite is easier than spotting a girl drive a car.

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All those who matter(me included!) had finally agreed to let my sis take the car. We had to visit three places , all 120-150 kms from one another, in 3 days. "We will take the car... it will help me prepare for the bangalore traffic" said the new owner. I was skeptical if it would prepare her for the bangalore traffic, but i was sure as indian cricket team's ability to lose that it would prepare her mentally. It did and how?

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The sojourn began and i was the other in the front.Grandpa was behind. A nice road with no one in the vicinity. The car is put in full throttle.

Grandpa: " beta slow.. beta slow.. slow slow... he went on till car came below 60"
VC:"But.. the road is empty!"
Grandpa: "Hey.. you shut up!"

With no Coldplay and Greenday to give company ( Grandpa was listening to Md Rafi and Kishore :( ),I just observed people that we came across.

From chivalrous guys who literally went out of their way to make way for her to some jerks who wanted her to wait more before they made way, to guys with their mouths wide open ,to fanatics fuming with anger at what they were seeing.

Hoots, whistles, lascivicious stares, comments in poor taste all thrown in liberal doses. There were some stares directed at me which i would interpret as "what a loser!"

In one of the villages that we passed by ,a young boy ( with the look of having spotted an UFO!)_.. "OI!!... look there!... a girl driving a car!"

But the most remarkable effect was on the fairer sex. Throughout the journey, all the girls and women of all ages had smiles, pride, contentment."Hey!!.. look look!". They looked till we were out of sight. The wonder was as deep as the guys, but positive.I could almost read every girls mind "I should be the one doing it next". There was this glint in the eyes.A fire had been lit. We celebrated diwali all along the way!. One journey had single-handedly changed the attitudes of so many girls.

I felt like Alberto granado, the guy who was pillion to Che guevara in the legendary and revolutionary "Motorcycle diaries". It would be a travesty to compare this journey with that of Guevara's but it was revolutionary in its own way.

Two hoots!

2007-10-31T07:20:00.000+05:30

Finally i moved my lazy ass to coorg.

The grass on the other side is actually green!

i listened to the music from other car.

Dont you wish the entrance to your house was like this.

hycanthia hibiscia mylariporous ferrinorous .

One of the many pleasures that my job had taken away from me.

Irupu Water Falls. Can you spot me?

In coorg it is street elephants, not street dogs.

White water rafting!. Please do it before you rot in hell.

This Cottage (Ramcad) is the nicest place i have ever lived. Steamy hot water bath at 8 in the night after you are in wet clothes for 5 hours is "i-dont-have-words". The only problem was that my colleague's driver snored like there is no tomorrow. But he was a very very nice person. So its ok. Food also rocked. And then whatever happened along with the food.

Two hoots...... That was what i was talking at that instant.

Lost in Translation

2007-10-31T06:30:00.001+05:30

Staring at infinity
i can only smile
its been difficult
its been futile

Ethereal surrounds me
mind high by thoughts
so many and myriad
difficult to connect the dots

searching for answers
when there aint any questions
trying to read between lines
when its clear as crystal

trying to catch hold of things
beyond my grasp
should hold back
for the safety of it

i dont know the end
journey isnt pleasant either
i cant even put it in order
does it even matter?

If i ever

2007-10-13T23:15:00.000+05:30

If i ever go down on my knees
i will be holding a rose
head held high
chest swelling with pride.

If someone ever has to climb my back
It will be her
amidst the tulips and marigolds
for a piggy-back ride.

If i ever prepare food
it will be her favorite dish
served in all its exiquisite finesse
taste that will melt her heart.

If i ever have to write
she will be the subject
imagination will run wild
and the pens shall dance.

If i ever have to die
i hope it will be for her
a life lived for someone you love
is the most beautiful thing.

Code Turkey

2007-10-03T10:53:00.000+05:30

Just finished my first project ( wait .. has it finished?) . All the software engineering processes that Ian Somerville ( The author of the Software Engineering book that i studied . Trivia: I have scored the lowest ever score for any subject in my entire life in this subject. 40/100) taught me were blatantly violated and ridiculed!.

We designed throughout the duration of the project, on the day of the design review, and also after the design review was done!.

We wrote socket programs to pump in "custom"( read : best behaving) traffic to test the code!.

We published a total of 8 different Interfaces for the code we wrote at regular intervals!. The good thing was the teams using our interfaces were so lazy that they saw only the last version.

Balls to CMMI and ISO. This is my way.

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Other important office trivia in the last year :

1. Caught sleeping in the meetings related to a project twice by my manager. He actually once woke me!.Manager's knockout punch: "VC..You are working on this project!".

2.Said "bullshit!" on my manager's face thereby becoming the unanimous choice for "foot in the mouth" award for 2006-07.

3.Got termed "Brat" by another manager for no fault of mine. Wrong place at a wrong time.*sigh*.

4.And even George Bush will agree that he is in a smaller mess than i am in right now.Fuckin bullshit life.

Lights.Camera.Action. -take 1

2007-10-03T10:35:00.000+05:30

The wind cleared the leaves that were blocking the epitaph. "In loving memory of Sarah" was engraved on the beautiful white marble. He had come here often to talk to her. And had often gotten his answers. But this was to be his last question to her. He was about to perpetrate a crime to wash off the guilt of not being able to be there for her when she needed him the most.

Those memories had always haunted him.

They stood in the field, winds tossing her beautiful hair across the tear drenched cheeks and he staring at her feet.

"You are not the guy i loved!" said she pulling his shirt and crying inconsolably.
"Where is he who for whom i was the most important thing in this world... huh?"

He looked up. Looked straight into her eyes. The coldness said it all.

He placed the rose on the grave like always. Gave a wry smile. Looked Heavenwards and turned back.

The time had come to end the journey called life beacuse he had realised there was no him without her. The end was decided but the means hung loose.

James was surprised when he asked him for ten times more than what he usually used to take.
"Everything all right man?" .. asked james. Jimmy smiled and flashed a thumbs-up. That was to be their last deal.

Love is the most addictive of all substances, just that it hits the heart unlike others which hit the head.

dark side of the moon.

2007-09-18T23:28:00.000+05:30

Brett Lee pulled off a Hat-trick in the T20 World Cup. Me and my roomies also pulled off a Hat-trick of sorts. Yes, the electricity to our beloved house was cut for the third time!. But wait ,we had paid the elctricity bill . then? . We decided that since we have paid the bill lets connect the wires and put the light back in our house( thereby showing the finger to the electricty guys). But amongst us was a guy who said " We will be put behind bars da!". We looked at each other. Telepathically we said to each other "no no".

So it had to be another mosquito-ridden night, cold-water-bath morning.

Worse we didnt even have the receipt of payment. So somebody had to visit the billing place. After doing a "you go" "no, you go" " fuk you, i went last time" .... one guy finally decided to enquire and surprise.. surprise.. we have not paid!. But the guy had actually paid! . man oh man! .. we have paid the electricity bill of some other house! . And we have not paid our own bill. To err is human but to default thrice will put your name in the list of perennial defaulters .

Does anyone here know how to find out for whom we have filled the bill without having the receipt. Sounds idiotic but your brilliant idea may save some bucks to our shallow pockets.

Mumbai Mystique - 5

2007-09-13T11:52:00.000+05:30

More trivia....

1. There is nothing special about Hanging Gardens. Its like any other garden. apparently some water tank is beneath it which supplies water to Mumbai. Just avoid.
2. In the five days i used the local train, i was not checked for my tickets once.
3. Vashi, Kharghar and Panvel in Navi Mumbai itself have more apartments than all the apartments in Bengaluru put together.
4.On one of my rides in the local train, i had the good fortune of sitting besides a "dude" who stuck up a conversation with me. He was a student of NIFT.I asked him which is the most famous business school in Mumbai ( i was expecting one from SP Jain, NITIE , JMIMS). He said "ITM Mumbai". i was like "!$@*&%*%^(&(%^(^#@^$^#@^##@^".

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Travelling from Mumbai to Pune on the expressway in a Volvo on a misty morning with walnut chikki in your mouth, Bombay Times in your hand, The sun kissing your face through the windows, and Coldplay - Clocks blaring in your ears is sheer bliss!

Mumbai Mystique - 4

2007-09-13T11:18:00.001+05:30

Happened to visit Tendulkar's at Mumbai. Its near Colaba. Its a must visit for any Tendulkar fan or a cricket fanantic. There are lots of amazing souvenirs kept for display.

The best part is the pricing . They mimic sachin's cricket scores. While the curries costed 250+ . Kashmiri Pulao , Corn fried Rice and other rice dishes costed 75-90!.And the food is nice.

There is a sports bar too. The theme is really very good and has an amazing collection of photographs as well as drinks.

At the end of the meal, they give you fortune cookies . Fortune cookies are usually given in chinese restaurants . They have a message for you that you get once you chew the choclate. "The messages are crafted by Sachin himself" said the waiter when i raised my brows. So i popped mine and took out the paper.

Almost Morpheus-in-Matrix-like it read "You will find your answer today. You are the chosen one.". I almost felt a Neo-ish energy rush!. The only things missing were a pair of ray-ban goggles.

Mumbai Mystique - 3

2007-09-10T19:34:00.000+05:30

Some Mumbai Trivia....

1. TOI's Bombay Times supplement beats its Bangalore counterpart hands down.
2. Mumbai Mirror and Mid Day are the most read English Newspapers from what i could see on the roads.
3. In Mumbai, the BEST buses are partitioned such that the left part is for ladies and the right for gents. The backdoor is to hop on and the front to get down(both for the ladies and gents). For a person who is used to Bangalore's BMTC it can be quite annoying!.
4. Ghatkopar slums and Amitabh Bachchan's "Jalsa" were the only independente houses i got to see in Mumbai.
5. Russel Peters was right when he said that Mumbai smells very bad( He said that in the Bangalore show last year).
6. If you are on churchgate road and you want to go to VT(...oops CST), just stand on the pedestrian pavement and public will do the rest.
7. I dont know what's the big deal about Siddhivinayak Temple( No offence to Lord Ganesha.... he is my second favorite after Lord Tirumaleshwar!). Frankly it has nothing to offer architecturally.
8. Colaba Causway is just fukin awesome.... there is a Lebanese restaurant on that road. Try it.

Mumbai Mystique - 2

2007-09-09T17:35:00.000+05:30

We boarded the bus to mumbai from hubli, the bus started and the TV flicked on and "dhoom dhoom" blared the speakers . Somebody from back shouted " arre hataa yaar isko!" . It was "chup chup ke" now.

The ensemble cast included ( Shahid + Kareena) Kapoor , and other usual guys in a Priyadarshan film ( Paresh Rawal, Om Puri and ofcourse Suniel "Anna" Shetty ).

This film is a
comedy( Directed by Priyadarshan who has made Hera Pheri ( and the sequel)),
tragedy ( sushma reddy waits her entire life for shahid and gives him away to kareena in the end...... alomost made me cry.. mummmmyyyy!!) ,
Psycho-thriller( You just ensure that the girl you have your eyes on does not have a brother like Suniel shetty.... fukin freak!),
Action(Om Puri's bodyguards will put King Leonidas' men in 300 to shame),
Suspense(I bit all my 10 finger nails and almost reached for my feet in the time the last scene ended where kareena and sushma reddy do a " you take him" ... "no you take him".... " no no you deserve him"..... "no your love should win" ),
Musical( Our Himesh bhai has given the music!)

all mixed, mashed , pounded and rizla-rolled into one 3 hour long 70mm that by the time i reached the butt i didnt have an idea what i had smoked.

Mumbai Mystique - 1

2007-09-09T17:25:00.000+05:30

If i have to describe my trip to mumbai in one-word , it would be "mastercard".

Wasting a hard earned week's break= 9000 ( thats my weeks worth!)
Total expenses incurred on my behalf = 10000.
Losing sleep when my manager expected me to take rest and come back recharged = Manager's raised eye brow -^-^-
Seeing your mum and aunts become kids again = priceless!!

I am really happy for them. I had never seen them so happy in recent times. I also did enjoy the trip but i am gonna go back to mumbai some time with friends.

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Also i think my mom and aunts should co-author a book " How to increase your son's weight by 10 kgs in a week!".

My Soliloquy

2007-08-25T23:37:00.000+05:30

i just hate that guy
worse, i dont know why
may be plain old jealousy
now that he has her.

I had always wanted to be the one
who will be the apple of her eye
and it only gets painful
when u know you cant be, never can.

but the heart is broken
torn beyond repair
mind has become cynical
cobwebs of pessimism

and still everytime my iris closes
her smile is what flashes
i wish i could freeze the time
for eternity

i never thought i would be like this
a hopeless romantic
Because it makes you weak, vulnerable
dilutes your focus

may be she was this zephyr
that was to shake my stony heart
and make me realise that
there is something called LOVE.

Left Wrong Left

2007-08-21T11:05:00.000+05:30

For once i wish Congress had an absolute majority , so that they need not worry about these Neo-communists , which actually stands for people who will oppose deals that can solve country's energy problems and who follow the ideology of another country which is all set to kick our sorry ass.

How i wish Mr Karat's and Mr Yechury's family and followers be sent to north eastern borders to fight those chinese, whose ideology they so passionately follow . If they are so fukin hellbent on opposing anything related to US, why dont they get the communist countries to help us.

Look at Japan and Germany who were forced not to have any military after World War. They are kikin ass in the world now. Look at Israel. They fuck around and still get away. Dont you wish our country had those privileges. Whats the use of a UNSC permanent seat when the rest four members could not stop US from having its way in Iraq. And the way world operates now, if you are in US' good books , you have arrived my boy!.

Look at the flipside, If India does not test nuclear weapons, So much of resources can be diverted for education and infrastructure which we need so desperately. And all this talk about our capabilities of developing technologies indigenously, trust me with our record and commitment it ain't gonna happen in another 50 years, and morover when somebody is giving you a springboard to leapfrog, why dont you take it.

And one should also appreciate how US is goin out of its way regarding certain issues in the deal
to help India. What i dont understand is why people are not looking at the bigger picture. If this deal goes through, India is suddenly a main player. We get to talk shit and other countries have no option but to listen. So many more deals will be signed. F-16s , Nuke submarines, man US will do anything to contain China, and they know we are their best bet.

Whether the deal gets nuked or not , these days will be written in RED letters( color intended) in the history of modern India.

P.S : Too much usage of F-word is a direct indication of my frustration towards left!

what the bleeeeeep .

2007-08-21T10:55:00.000+05:30

The planetary positions are all screwed up when the implications are as below....

Rocket Scientist makes way for a person who can hear GOD( ya.. Mrs Prathiba Devi said that on National Television).
Rahul Dravid does not enforce follow-on.
Nuclear deal is all set to get nuked.
Stalwarts like Om Puri, Anupam Kher make a movie like Buddha Mar Gaya.
Chelsea loses the Community shield to ManU.

ugh!!

Movie Review : Chak De India!

2007-08-17T23:39:00.000+05:30

Patriotism.
Women empowerment.
Hockey.
Team > Individual.
Preeti Sabharwal( Sagarika Ghatge).
Revenge.
Tamil != Telegu.

Editing :
I felt the below two scenes were not required,
a) The scene where the former captain offers herself to coach. I felt it was not required. They could have shown her frustration at losing captaincy and her eagerness to get it back in better and positive ways.

b) The scene where preeti sabharwal and her cricketer boyfriend are having a talk on the bed. The cricketer being topless and rest of the body covered by a sheet gave a feeling that they just had an orgy session. It was not required. Just put on a damn shirt man.

Kamariya lachke re!

2007-08-14T18:10:00.000+05:30

For a while now my waist has become very inflexible. It does not move at any angles with respect to any axis passing through my body. My job is not helping the situation either. Its not back pain or any of those diseases that have complex nomenclatures. So i was thinking about a name.

My joy new no bounds when i found out that there is atleast one person , a famous one, who suffers from the above problem. Yes, it is Abhishek Bachchan. So i will name it "Abhishek Bachchan Waist Syndrome". I know some of you will be feeling that i am trying to slot myself with him and you know what you are right!.

One other person also suffers , whether you like him or not depends on whether you are bong or not. Go Ganguly!.

Mujhse Shaadi Karoge?

2007-08-02T22:05:00.000+05:30

My latest sadistic pleasure is turning out to be reading the TOI Matrimonials every sunday and have a nice ROFL!.

All the bride profiles have to have these tags "very slim" "very fair" "very beautiful" ( slim ,fair and beautiful will not do!) "homely". If she is all the above, what the fuck is her profile doing in these pages.Some even give the height, weight down to millimeters and centigrams!. You can actually improve your quant capabilities by calculating BMIs(Body Mass Index) for all the profiles.

Other important tags are "Infosys" and "Wipro" . Narayan Murthy and Azim Premzi might never have thought in their wildest dreams when opening their firms that one day their firms would make or break marriages.

I would have actually copy-pasted the profiles here , but that will be taking my sadistic levels to new depths, so lets just leave it here.

why why why ....

2007-07-25T16:50:00.000+05:30

There are things that i could have avoided.
Things that i should not have done.
Things which i have done, thinking about , makes my heart wring with guilt.
Thinking about , i dont get sleep sometimes.
Things a sane guy would not have done.
Things that make my eyes moist.

Regret. Remorse. Contrition.

Someday i hope God gives me the courage to lay it all out. Open. Bare.

Cold Turkey

2007-07-25T16:45:00.000+05:30

Out i look, but there is nothing to see
My ears unfold, but there is nothing to hear
I am shitting and i still cant smell anything!!

arms widespread, i stand
winds caress the wisps of my hair
taking my soul high in the air

Have you ever had this feeling of numbness where you are left wanting to know the purpose of your existence.

P.S : I am not on drugs!

The Chick Quadrants

2007-07-21T10:37:00.000+05:30

Courtesy:Abhishek Shetty

Rene Descartes will turn in his grave today, for i am going to use his co-ordinate geometry to divide the entire female populace, from ages 15 to 35, in four broad categories called the Chick Quadrants.

The Quadrants will follow the standard models, so if u have forgotten about it, ask your kid bro or sis to help out. The two attributes taken to classify are "Physical attractiveness" and "Mental projection of physical beauty".

Quadrant 1 : The females in this quadrant are very, very attractive and they are aware(mental projection) about it. Better, they even know people find them attractive and are ready to go out of their way to help them and they make proper use of it. No harm. This is a very small quadrant going by numbers.

Quadrant 2: The females in this quadrant also are attractive . A small percentage of it know that people find them attractive, but are genuinely honest not to cash in on it. The remaining have either stayed their entire life amongst people who did not know what beauty meant or just lets say they are humble. This quadrant has even lesser numbers compared to quadrant 1. But quadrants 1 and 2 share a very diffusive wall in a way that people keep shifting from one side to the other.

Quadrant 3: This is a relatively big quadrant . Females in this quadrant are not attractive or physically beautiful and are humble enough to accept that and be normal. They are not at all affected. These females are to be really lucky for if someone is showing interest in them, then that guy really likes her.

Quadrant 4: This is the biggest of all the quadrants. Females here are not attractive BUT... hold your breath.... they think they are breathtakingly beautiful. If you have ever said to any girl " apne aap ko ~~aishwarya rai~~ Deepika Padukone samajti hai kya?" then she has to be in this hallowed quadrant. Worse, they are confused as to why people dont give them attention. You can almost feel the attitude meters away.

Am i part of the cure OR am i part of the disease?

2007-07-17T12:00:00.000+05:30

Its been five months since i paid visit to a temple.
Its been a month since i watched a movie on my laptop.
Its been six months since i read a book ( any book).
I dont feel like working. I dont feel like studying.
I dont even like working out ,but i still do.
I have lost my appeitite. Even chopsuey is tasting bad.
Yesterday, i had a bitter realisation that it had been two weeks since i called home. I used to do it thrice a week before.
I put on a song and i realise it has completed even before i have heard it.
I am not even exchanging pleasantries and smiles with people.
I promise to call people and forget about it.
They even changed my cab. I have to now come and stand 20 minutes earlier than before.
On top of it all, my roomies want to shift to some place from our current one where airtel dudes dont give net coverage.

Must have done some shitty thing in my previous life.

Updates:
1. After four rounds of talks that were as intense and as inconsequential as WTO's, roomies decided to stay back in our current place itself. *phew*.

The grass on the other side is clay

2007-07-09T12:19:00.000+05:30

Before the tournament even began, experts were cynical enough to say that Roger Federer would win it blindfolded and there was not a single soul on planet who felt otherwise.

As the tournament proceeded , barring a few upsets, it was all fine and sundry as Roger and Rafael stomped( i cant think of a better word) their opposition to the finals.Angels and demons watched mouth agape from the sky , and the clouds relented for once for the packed colosseum at wimbledon to watch one of the greatest battles in recent tennis history.

Roger was chasing a fifth consecutive title at wimbledon , to equal the record set by the great Bjorn Borg . If there was anyone who could stop him, it was Rafa and Roger knew that more than anyone. Rafa meanwhile had made up his mind that it was time to make his critics put their feet in their mouths about his prowess on grass courts and he could not have chosen a better moment for that!

And they battled , sweat and blood .

Roger won. Rafa lost. Roger is ecstatic , falls to the ground teary eyed. Roger and Rafa meet for the handshake. Roger says" It could have gone either way. I was Lucky". He was right. I will call it divine intervention.

I am sure Rafa wouldn't mind losing to Roger, but more importantly he had made a point to his critics without even winning the match. And considering that Roger lost to Rafa in French Open days earlier to get him his hat-trick, its fine Rafa losing to Roger to get him his record.Win-Win.
The most amazing thing about this rivalry is the respect each has for other. In life its very easy to make your opponent fear you, but very difficult to earn his respect.

I really pity other talented players like Roddick,Hewitt and Safin for having to play in the era of Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal. Because i doubt 50 years down the line if people would take their names for they equally deserve it.

Attitude and how..

2007-06-10T02:10:00.001+05:30

This was narrated to me by shetty ( my friend who took the escalator to better life very recently leaving us lesser mortals behind :] ) . It surely needs to be heard by as many people as possible . Not that this is some frequently visited page but what the heck.

This incident happened in one of the Buisness schools ...

One dude in the last bench was sleeping in an advanced math class( Now you know why i am writing!! ) , which happened to annoy the prof very much . He summons him to the front and shouts " i dont like this attitude...... go solve this problem on the board" .

The dude takes the chalk, walks to the board and divides the board into three parts. He gives three different solutions to the problem, along with assumptions, constraints, which one is better in which case, pros and cons of each method . He then rubs the board , rewrites prof's solution and proves that this solution is the lengthier than each of his earlier solutions.

By now you must have an idea of the temperature in the room. Prof is not impressed one bit and goes " i dont like this attitude.... who do you think you are!!??".

Dude reverts back "Sir... I am IIT JEE AIR #3 and 100 percentiler in CAT ... Show me three people in this country who are better than me. "

Sir ..." Alright.. alright... go take your seat now!!"

Class .."*phew!!*".

I just pray to GOD that he gives me and all of us , one such oppurtunity in life for some "WOW" moment like this. The time spent in this life will be worth it.

Yeh to sirf trailer tha!!

2007-06-06T17:36:00.001+05:30

This post is a direct display of my displeasure at the movies Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End and 300 , and i blame it all on the expectations that they put in me with their graphics-laden razzmatazz , nothing-can-get-better-than-this trailers. The third part of the trilogy spoilt my opinion towards an otherwise very good movie series. When The Hindu reviewed 300 as an "Expensive joke" i took it as a harsh criticism towards a commercial movie by a tabloid which takes literature,art and history very seriously, but they were bang on target with their review.

One vital element in all pirates' movies has been humour and what happens when you have very few humuorous lines and you put all of them in the trailer and thanks to the media revolution there is no way you can avoid seeing it as it is flashed across your telly every few seconds that is available in between the television programs and the whole fun of actually watching the scene in the movie is lost!!. Same happened with 300 and this time it was not humour but the action sequences.

I think it is time movie-makers tone downed the trailers and my 2-cents on what a trailer should be like from a viewer's perspective :

1: Should give a sneek-peek into the cast of the movie.In case of Bollywood, songs also.

2: The genre of the movie like comedy,action,drama etc etc. If its a comedy movie it makes sense that they show a funny part.But if your movie has 2 funny scenes, dont show both of them in the trailer.

3: Dont mislead people (which is very much possible with todays state-of-the-art graphic capabilities) .

4: Also do not show all the catchy really-awesome dialogues that are there in the film.

5: After seeing the movie if i feel movie=trailer, then your movie is bad anyways but then you could have made it suck less by having a trailer< movie.

6: In fact a better idea is to just show random clippings from the movie with some arbitrary background score or even better the movie-theme-song or OST.

E Kompany

2007-06-04T12:14:00.000+05:30

Last evening i happened to watch "Koffee with Karan" . Its a dream of everyone in the tinseltown to be on this show, because it just means this - "You Have Arrived!". The Guest on yesterday's episode was Ekta Kapoor , the Head of Balaji Telefilms . She is one person who has been the target of so much ridicule and media whiplash that a lesser mortal would have packed up their bags long back , but thats not her and one cant help but admire at the way she has made Balaji telefilms into a multi-million dollar enterprise.

She has the pulse of Indian Television at her finger tips. Extra-marital affairs, Multiple marriages, Plastic surgeries, Anachronic Leaps or more commonplace than a kid getting slaughtered by a pack of stray dogs in bengalooru.Logic and Rationality make way to numerology and divine powers. She runs a parallel film industry,and is credited with resurrecting many defunct careers.

Three of her leading men also came in the later part of the show.
After exchanging pleasantries with the host, they bent and kissed her hand with a reverence and style that reminisced me of the last scene of my favorite movie Godfather where Tom Hagen , Albert Neri and Peter Clemenza kiss the hands Of Michael Corleone. She truly appeared like Godfather, one who have their word in everything they do and nobody dares question them.

India of my Dreams

2007-05-28T12:31:00.000+05:30

Last evening was dark .... thanks to our indifference towards the due date for paying the electricity bills. I was lying on my bed and nostalgia crept in.. During the good ol school days ... "India of my dreams" was one topic on which a lot of kids used to give speeches at public gatherings.. For once, my imagination ran wild and this is what india of my dreams will be like...

1. India will have a F1 Racing track at bangalore with the most dangerous curves and chicanes..a tribute to our own roads!!. Yeah ... Fearrari will have an Indian Driver .

2. IRL ( Indian Rashtreeya League ) will be the most watched soccer league followed byEPL.And what with budding ronaldos and rooneys dreaming of playing for Mahindra United.

3. IBA (Indian Basketball Association) will be giving NBA a run for its money. How about Sialkot slamdunkers , Sivakasi Rockets, Punjab Puttars.

4. India will have the likes of Palm Jumeirah(Dubai) all along the arabian sea coast and bay of bengal .Its time we showed what filthy fukin rich means....

5. India of my dreams will have balls to attack Pakistan( and China) and fukin finish it once and for all . Nobody even dare send an ant across our borders!.

6. IAF will have the most sophisticated airplanes , weapons lethal enough to scare the shit outta our neighbours. Biological , Chemical, Nuclear ... u fukin name it and we fukin have it.

7. When India makes deals, the other party just signs .... we dont need no bullshit 123 clauses.

suddenly linkin yells ... "lets go have food"...

LOSERS - - - A Tribute!

2007-05-28T12:09:00.001+05:30

DO You

say "how the fuck did that guy get her!!??" everytime you cross a couple on the road ,say it twice later on the same road, thrice on the next, and your frequency takes the maclaurin's series pattern....

on finding a girl's scrap in your friend's(also a loser) orkut profile , search better than the google engine to find out who made that conversation starter "Hi!!" ....

Wear the biggest designer labels and still end up looking a clown.

make the statisticians happy by being one of the biggest contributors to that magical number 21.9.

go to Garuda, Central and Forum more frequently than the shopkeepers change the dresses on their manequinns , not to shop though.

have nicknames that reflect any of your physical characterstics.

feel attracted towards a girl and strongly feel she is the one for you and feeling gets stronger with every new girl.

feel a girl is hitting on you when she queries you for something (read Technical ) .

spend your fridays drinking gallons of beer when you would have instead preferred a candle-light dinner with a special someone in a hip restaurant.

On going to a restaurant with your friends scramble for a seat facing an attractive girl?

have brothers who give you golden handshakes :)

Then you are one of us!!

From "Self-proclaimed-Trendsetters" to "wannabe-Rapsters" .... we have everyone here.

For all the travails of life.... therz just one answer "We are Losers da!!"

On a more emotional note... This is not a destination , rather a transit terminal where people cross in this roadtrip called life. People are not forced to come here, more so it is out of bitter self-realisation and from my own personal experiences , earlier the better!! . Its one of those places where everybody wants to spend the least possible time,but watever little time you are here we pledge to make it memorable!

My "Shantaram"

2007-03-31T22:49:00.000+05:30

You guys must have heard by now that Mira Nair is making the movie "Shantaram" based on the very famous book of the same name by Gregory Roberts. Some of the cast has been decided but a lot of other important characters are yet to be cast. Well if i were given 'carte blanche' to cast whomever i liked , then this would be it.

Lindsay : Johnny Depp (Already cast). With his fame spreading far and wide , thanks to Pirates of the carribean , he would be the face the filmmakers require to make the film a worldwide hit.

Khader Bhai : Well Mr Amitabh Bachchan has already been cast and i am very sure he would do justice to this role , but i feel Naseerudin shah also would have pulled it off just as good , or even better.

Abdullah Taheri : This is one very important character for which an actor is yet to be cast. Although the book describes him as a tall , well built , newyork-english speaking afghan , an Indian rather an a hollywood actor would be better. Sanjay Dutt , Kunal Kapoor , John Abraham, Hrithik Roshan etc all would match the physique required but i think only Hrithik Roshan has the calibre of filling Abdullah's shoes . Yeah ..... only Hrithik Roshan.Period.

Prabhakar : Looks like this character is tailor-made for Vijay Raaz . He would perfectly suit the role and i think he will bag the role considering that he has worked with Mira before in Monsoon Wedding . The only problem though is that his physical characterstics are just opposite to what Greg describes prabhu in his book , short fat and round-faced. If we need to get the role right in its entirety , then i think Rajpal Yadav is the man .

Karla : There are a lot of options for this one . Bridget Moynahan would suit the role most i guess. Rachel Weisz is also a possible candidate . I only hope they dont put latin or mexican actresses.

Vikram : This is a very small but intresting character in the book . I an not even sure if this character will be there in the final script of the movie . In case it is there i think Akshay Kumar will be the perfect man for this role although i am highly sceptical if he would accept this cameo role .

Didier : Another of those miniscule but important characters , Philip Seymour hoffman is the man for this role and i am even more sceptical about his acceptance for this one than the previous.

...... Keep watching this space for the rest of my choice of the cast .

Taking the Plunge .....

2007-03-13T22:39:00.000+05:30

This incident dates back to the time when we were a little less confused than we are right now. Me and my friends had come to attend a CET Crash-course here in bangalore ( Back then it was bangalore only .... not bengalooru). We stayed in a place which also sheltered people from a myriad of professions. Now one day me and my friend were having dinner on a table with two strangers on the other side. We were talking what two students will be talking who are all set to take their CET exams ....." Medical? .... Engg? ..... I think we should keep our options open man?... why the fuck do we have options man?" . The strangers got interested in our talk i guess and so one of them interrupted us " Hey you know what , if you go on any street in bangalore , pick up a stone, close your eyes and throw it .... There is a chance that it hits a dog .... If not then there is a very high chance that it will hit a S/W Engg " . Hmmm ... he had a point.

We took the CET exams. We got good results . The bad thing was that we had options . And thanks to the tech-slump , Medicine had just become the holy-grail. But i had become a dyslexic by the time i had finished my 12th. And a dyslexic can never become a good doc considering one has to read to your grave. So i opted for engineering. Yeah .... Comp Sci. Now i look back at that incident and ponder if any others in my situation actually tried out the pelting experiment. Well i have never been hit by some random missile till now . Now that explains the increase in number of stray dogs in bengalooru . Or we can also assume that IT buisness is finally moving to tier-2 cities like mangalooru, mysooru and so lesser s/w engineers are seen on streets here. Whatever it is ,the decision to opt for engg remains my best ever!!.

Moral of the story : " Your mum was right. Dont talk to strangers!!".